Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Giving Until It Hurts
I have a dear friend who takes medication like people eat skittles. This is not because she is addicted, but because she is in constant pain. Her heart is even more pure than the clearest and most expensive diamond ever known to man. Her beauty cannot be contained for it is within her and without. The man who finally gets her, will be truly blessed.
When I met her, we were both in the VA Hospital being treated at the physical therapist. Pain would course down her face as her body shot disturbing messages to her brain, to alert that something was invariably wrong. This never stopped her smile from growing on the corners of her mouth, as she enthusiastically told a story or two. Many doctors and family members mistook her joy and they felt as if the pain she felt was all "in her head". Boy, were they proven wrong.
With a heart of gold, this woman has one major fault. Can one love too much, give too much, and care too much? Well, she does. Her family often calls her to have her help them move, or take care of getting rid of an abandoned home, to drive for hours on end to run errands. She has a family of able-bodied people, yet they use her to the point of breaking her, and she does not know how to say no. She has friends who become ill and she is right there to help them and nurse them back to health. Her nephews and neices know her as their very best auntie, because she loves them truly and plays with them and makes them feel loved and important.
I write this blog as final plea to a friend. I write it also to bring forth awareness not only to my friend's disease, but also to the disease of not saying no, to users. This girl with all the love in the world, never ever says no. She loves to feel needed, but she hates the pain. I fear for the life of my friend. I have warned her many times, that doing so much can kill her. My friend has Lupes. She suffers such excruciating pain that she cannot sleep at night. One time she was unable to move at all for several hours. And not one of those individuals that ask her daily for assistance lifted a finger to help her. The times that she suffers the worst pain are the times that she is helping all of the leeches in her life. I love my friend dearly, and I want her to live a long life. I want her to have her own babies, and to have a husband that deserves her love. These are the things that she states she wants in her life, too. I am scared that she will not have anything left to give when God does bless her with the family she wants. I fear for her life...
Please leave a comment to tell her not to give until it hurts Every comment adds another moment to her life......
When I met her, we were both in the VA Hospital being treated at the physical therapist. Pain would course down her face as her body shot disturbing messages to her brain, to alert that something was invariably wrong. This never stopped her smile from growing on the corners of her mouth, as she enthusiastically told a story or two. Many doctors and family members mistook her joy and they felt as if the pain she felt was all "in her head". Boy, were they proven wrong.
With a heart of gold, this woman has one major fault. Can one love too much, give too much, and care too much? Well, she does. Her family often calls her to have her help them move, or take care of getting rid of an abandoned home, to drive for hours on end to run errands. She has a family of able-bodied people, yet they use her to the point of breaking her, and she does not know how to say no. She has friends who become ill and she is right there to help them and nurse them back to health. Her nephews and neices know her as their very best auntie, because she loves them truly and plays with them and makes them feel loved and important.
I write this blog as final plea to a friend. I write it also to bring forth awareness not only to my friend's disease, but also to the disease of not saying no, to users. This girl with all the love in the world, never ever says no. She loves to feel needed, but she hates the pain. I fear for the life of my friend. I have warned her many times, that doing so much can kill her. My friend has Lupes. She suffers such excruciating pain that she cannot sleep at night. One time she was unable to move at all for several hours. And not one of those individuals that ask her daily for assistance lifted a finger to help her. The times that she suffers the worst pain are the times that she is helping all of the leeches in her life. I love my friend dearly, and I want her to live a long life. I want her to have her own babies, and to have a husband that deserves her love. These are the things that she states she wants in her life, too. I am scared that she will not have anything left to give when God does bless her with the family she wants. I fear for her life...
Please leave a comment to tell her not to give until it hurts Every comment adds another moment to her life......
Monday, November 1, 2010
Broke N' Joke
The sound of loud splashes ring out as my foot makes uneven contact with the murky floor covered by the sweat and coagulated blood of all of the countless lives that society mulls over on a daily basis. The haunting smell of the rotting flesh of laid off workers curdles the morsel of SPAM that lie alone in my stomach. My footsteps become more and more labored as I stumble along the dark, dank, foul odored hallways further and further I find myself from the exits that have to exist. Or do they? Am I to become a victim of this ill-fitted game, called the economy? Am I, too, collateral damage?
I await for the fated day of December 6th that rapidly approaches. My wonderful place of employment has dangled a rotting piece of carrot in front of my face, and has given me the ultimatum to either give up on my health or to join them for an eternity of indentured servitude. I was medically released from the military back in 2001 after being involved in a horrible car accident that had left me with one good leg, a back that is much like a 60 year old, and bad knees. I began my employ with "The Job" in 2002 where I remain employed today. Years of unselfish work I gave to them, and now that I am unable to work due to the overwhelming pain in my back and leg, they want to turn from me. When they hired me, back on that fateful day in 2002, they knew I was a disabled vet, yet it didn't seem to matter as long as I came to work. It mattered not that tears would stream down my face as I lifted files, and stooped to place things on shelves; It mattered not that I would show up to work walking slow with a hunch in my back; nor did it matter that I began to spend most of the day with a grimace on my face.
April was when I finally decided that I couldn't go on ignoring the pain. I found myself at the doctor's office almost daily (Dealing with the VA is a full time job without pay). Finally after 3 months, my doctor stated that I needed to stay out of work for 6 months to a year. During my 3 months of medical screening they found that the rod that was placed in my leg 11 years ago was the wrong size, and caused a height discrepancy in my legs. This was what was causing most of the other medical issues. I am still going through other screenings and therapy in order to find some normalcy in my life, yet my place of employment stated that I needed to be back to work well before the 6 months that the doctor stated I needed for recovery (2 months, in fact was all they were willing to grant me). They further stated that if I do not return with a release from my doctor, I will be considered as a person who has "abandoned" her job. The irony in losing "The Job" is that it is a government job.
I have been struggling from month to month. My debt seems to swallow me like the fish did Jonah. My credit which was outstanding, is now laying in heaps of shreds all around my knees. I wake up in the middle of the night sinning with worry as I think of yet another bill that I cannot pay. I wonder how long I can keep up this charade. Everything is on the verge of being stripped from me, my car, my rental, my school, my all. December 6th and I lay writing this in agonizing pain. How can I begin to crawl back to slavery with the unhealed welts of the government's neglect in fixing me the first time, now they are piling more wounds onto the open ones that have never healed.
I await for the fated day of December 6th that rapidly approaches. My wonderful place of employment has dangled a rotting piece of carrot in front of my face, and has given me the ultimatum to either give up on my health or to join them for an eternity of indentured servitude. I was medically released from the military back in 2001 after being involved in a horrible car accident that had left me with one good leg, a back that is much like a 60 year old, and bad knees. I began my employ with "The Job" in 2002 where I remain employed today. Years of unselfish work I gave to them, and now that I am unable to work due to the overwhelming pain in my back and leg, they want to turn from me. When they hired me, back on that fateful day in 2002, they knew I was a disabled vet, yet it didn't seem to matter as long as I came to work. It mattered not that tears would stream down my face as I lifted files, and stooped to place things on shelves; It mattered not that I would show up to work walking slow with a hunch in my back; nor did it matter that I began to spend most of the day with a grimace on my face.
April was when I finally decided that I couldn't go on ignoring the pain. I found myself at the doctor's office almost daily (Dealing with the VA is a full time job without pay). Finally after 3 months, my doctor stated that I needed to stay out of work for 6 months to a year. During my 3 months of medical screening they found that the rod that was placed in my leg 11 years ago was the wrong size, and caused a height discrepancy in my legs. This was what was causing most of the other medical issues. I am still going through other screenings and therapy in order to find some normalcy in my life, yet my place of employment stated that I needed to be back to work well before the 6 months that the doctor stated I needed for recovery (2 months, in fact was all they were willing to grant me). They further stated that if I do not return with a release from my doctor, I will be considered as a person who has "abandoned" her job. The irony in losing "The Job" is that it is a government job.
I have been struggling from month to month. My debt seems to swallow me like the fish did Jonah. My credit which was outstanding, is now laying in heaps of shreds all around my knees. I wake up in the middle of the night sinning with worry as I think of yet another bill that I cannot pay. I wonder how long I can keep up this charade. Everything is on the verge of being stripped from me, my car, my rental, my school, my all. December 6th and I lay writing this in agonizing pain. How can I begin to crawl back to slavery with the unhealed welts of the government's neglect in fixing me the first time, now they are piling more wounds onto the open ones that have never healed.
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